Monday, April 14, 2014

How I Eat "Healthy" (And Stay Happy)

In a recent overhaul of my eating habits, I've totally taken to the "healthy food" commitment and turned my diet around 100%. (Joking, I made a giant plate of nachos last night and I just finished a handful of Skittles.) In all honesty - no, I do not eat healthy food 24/7. I won't bullshit you. But here's the secret - you don't have to! I'm not saying that you can eat pizza and chips all day and still be healthy and get that 6 pack you always dream about as you scroll through Tumblr while eating ice cream. But I AM saying that it's okay to have treats and even a total lapse every once in awhile. The main thing is that the majority of my meals ARE healthy ones, and as a reformed pasta and cheese addict, I'm shocked at how easy it's been. Here are my "guidelines" I set for myself in order to stay healthy AND sane - because seriously, if I had to cut out chocolate, I'd go crazy (it's creme egg season!!).

**disclaimer - I am not in any way a health or fitness professional. These are guidelines I use for myself and they may not be right for everyone, but that's okay! Figure out what works for you! And if you're changing your diet or fitness routine drastically, always consult with a professional first to make sure you aren't overdoing it and causing your body more stress than good. 

- the 80/20 rule - 
Basically, 80% of the time, ish, or more if I'm on a good week, I try to eat super healthy. This means green juice, protein smoothies, tons of eggs and chicken, and every veggie I've convinced myself is yummy and not weird and gross (it's about 6. I'm still picky). This also means limited snacking, strategically placed meals, and TONS of water. The other 20%, which generally falls on the weekends, I eat what I want - within reason. I don't go out and gorge on McDonalds and eat a full pizza - but I do succumb to the odd chicken mcnugget happy meal after I get off work (at 2 am, it's hard to resist!) and I definitely enjoy my creme eggs or glass of Coca-Cola. The key is not to have 3 completely unhealthy meals a day on your "cheat times", and not to load up on unnecessary sugar and processed food, but also not to feel guilty if you slip up. If I tried to cut sweets out of my diet entirely, I'd be cranky, because I love chocolate, and I'd be in a constant cycle of beating myself up for messing up, which just increases unhealthy choices and unhealthy self image. So allow the treats - but remember they are treats. They are not staples. They are not feeding your body anything for fuel. But they also are not going to ruin all your good effort, as long as you are reasonable about what you're consuming. One cookie will not set you back in your progress, and does not mean that you have failed. If you really want a cookie, have it, and enjoy it, and be happy about it. But don't eat the whole box of cookies. Just be reasonable! And really, once you stick to healthy food for so long and see and feel the reaction your body has to bad food - sluggish, tired, bloating, acne, etc - you won't want to eat it as much! Not to mention the longer you go without something, the easier it gets to resist your cravings. I'm not joking. It's science.

- the "mix and match" rule - 
There are a millllllllion different "diets" and eating plans out there. I don't subscribe to any, for much of the same reason as I don't cut out treats entirely - when I mess up, I get mad for failing, then I continue failing, and then I quit entirely. Plus some of them are just plain foolish and unhealthy - even if they work, they only work while you're on them, or they work for the wrong reasons and don't build a strong and healthy foundation - so as soon as you slip up, you bounce right back to worse off then you were before. So in order to stay sane and stay on track and most importantly stay healthy, I take the things that are doable for my lifestyle from different places, and make my own "plan". (Again - I am not a professional! Do NOT take super extreme components of diets and mix them together, ALWAYS make sure you are giving your body what it needs.) What I mean is that for example, I can't stick to a 100% paleo diet, but I like the idea of it - so I try to incorporate mostly meat and non-starchy vegetables into my major meals, and limit my grain, dairy, and sugar consumption. However, I'm a huge fan of sweet fruits, so I don't restrict myself too much on them - I'm so picky that any fruit or veggie I like, I make a regular part of my choices - or else I'd be stuck eating only 2 or 3 different things. And I LOVE milk, way too much, so when I tried to cut out dairy it wasn't long before I was sad. But I did notice I had less bloating when I wasn't having milk or cheese - so now I selectively only have it a few days a week, instead of with every meal. Once you get used to eating differently, your body reacts totally differently - where before a huge hot chocolate with whip cream and a brownie would be a treat (and still is, every once in awhile), now a glass of chocolate milk feels indulgent - and is still really healthy! This makes it SO much easier to stay on track. I haven't gone totally gluten free because I didn't see a huge difference when I tried it, and honestly it's expensive and I like bread, but I have cut way back on my "empty carbs" and found a ton of new recipes I would never have thought of before - like using way more brown rice and quinoa and way less pasta, which used to be one of my staples. The idea is to find out what works for you by trying things - maybe removing dairy totally gets rid of your bloating and stomach problems, or maybe it doesn't affect you at all! As long as you are informed as to how to properly change and remove items in your diet and are careful to still get all your nutrients, play around and find out what works best for your body and your lifestyle.

- the "add in" rule
This ones easy. If you can add something to a dish to get extra benefit, DO IT. I put basically the same combo veggies in everything I make, from stir fry, to quinoa or rice, to salad, to nachos, etc, unless I'm following a specific recipe, because I know I like them and they each have their own benefits. Adding 6 veggies to a serving of rice is way better than none or just one! Duh. Plus it's a super easy way to get all of your servings in a day. This also goes for smoothies - spinach, kale, chia seeds, flaxseed, avocado, cucumber, celery and more are all super easy to throw in with a bunch of fruit for a juice or smoothie, and don't add a lot of taste but do significantly increase the "healthy" factor. A morning drink of strawberry and peach and rice milk is delicious, but one with that plus kale, chia, flax, and cucumber is way more beneficial and tastes basically identical!

- the "be informed" rule -
This one goes without saying. (I hope.) KNOW what you are putting in your body and what it does! The internet is not only for cat gifs, people. Be aware of what your body needs and what food has what benefits, as well as why bad foods are bad, so you can eat accordingly. Know what a serving of cooked broccoli looks like compared to a serving of raw broccoli. Know how much healthy oil is good for you in a day and then go stock up coconut oil. Know 18 ways to cook chicken so you don't get bored with your meals in a week. Know how to make ice cream from bananas from those days your reeeeeeally need some ben and jerrys but whoops, you only have healthy groceries in the house. Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr all have entire communities dedicated to fitness - find them! Find new things! Take everything you read with a grain of salt and be smart about it, but have fun with health food - it is possible, I promise.

- the "8 glasses a day" rule - 
This is an oldie but a goodie. No matter what my eating habits are like or what I have day to day, I never feel as good if I don't have enough water. Generally, 8 glasses a day is a great place to start - but more specifically, you should be consuming half of your body weight in pounds in ounces per day. (Eg. I weight 115 pounds so I need 57 ounces per day, which is actually less than 8 glasses at 64 ounces, but if you weigh more than 130 lbs you will actually need more than 8 glasses.) This is not including what water you consume when you're exercising, because that is immediately sweat out. And more is always better! I actually drink about 2L of water every day, which is about 68 ounces, plus what I drink while working out (at least half a litre), plus what I consume in tea (usually 2 glasses of green tea). And yes - I have to pee all the time. But I also have more energy, clearer skin, less food cravings, and eat less overall than when I'm thirsty. Plus I generally add some detox benefits to my water, like citrus fruit, cinnamon, mint leaves, or berries, which can help with digestion, bloating, and at the very least make it yummy. :)

That's it! 5 very simple, very common sense guidelines to follow for an overall improved diet and state of mind. In the coming weeks I'll post some food-related posts to show how I bring these all into action, especially on time and cash restraints, and where I get the majority of my recipes and ideas from!

Happy eating! :)

Sunday, April 13, 2014

The "I'm Hyper Here's Some Words" Update No One Has Been Waiting For


Still crap at this whole posting thing. Moving on, accepting it.

I realized that 90% of what I want to post to "fit in with my blog" I don't post because my camera still isn't fixed. (Someday I will remember to do that...). Or I don't wear real clothes to school. Or my makeup is the same everyday. Then I realized that I don't need to "fit in with my blog" because it's MY BLOG and I can do whatever I damn well please. I'm gonna call it a "lifestyle blog" ooooh labels, but it's my lifestyle so it just means things I like and do hahahah beating the system!

So from now on I'm just gonna post whatever I feel like - outfit posts if I ever get out leggings and hoodies from exams, makeup posts if I feel like it along with shitty iPhone quality pictures because WHO CARES you can look up real swatches if you really wanna, food posts because GUESS WHAT I EAT HEALTHY ISH NOW and it's exciting sorry caps are taking over my life, FITNESS POSTS WHAAAA yeah maybe my gym routines? Would anyone like to see that? No? Oh well. Maybe some more of my weird ass prose/poetry rambles that I should probably save for tumblr? SURE! And whatever else I feel like! WHOA novel idea.

I'm just gonna say HEY SELF post at least twice a week even if its literally "here's what I did at the gym today" just because it'll get me back in the habit of writing!

(If you can't tell I'm in the middle of exams so I'm SUPER hyper and overtired but that's a good thing! Pressure leads to results! Even if results are me procrastinating by blogging and not results in my courses! D for degree baby, I graduate in a month. (...hopefully. I'm gonna go study statistical physics now. HELP.)

If you're gonna stick around for this crazy idea of posting everything and anything, I love you, and I hope you enjoy it! :)

Monday, January 27, 2014


This is totally a no-brainer post, but I just have found myself recommending this product to friends over and over again in the past few weeks and I needed to continue raving about how awesome it is. I use this product every. single. day. Multiple times a day even, for pretty much every part of my body. It's a miracle worker. Any guesses? 


Tried and true, good ol petroleum jelly is my skin saviour, especially in dry winter weather. A semi-comprehensive list of what I use it for:

- Lip balm. There is no comparison, dry lips are gone instantly. 
- Dry skin. Vanished. I put it on any flaky areas overnight and in the morning I'm smooth as a baby. Feet, elbows, knuckles, everywhere. Especially good under socks or gloves overnight. 
- Wind burn. I live on an island and my face is perpetually red and sore from the -30 wind chill - the only thing that soothes it is this stuff. 
- Pimples. You know the kind that are dry and flaky and look nasty under makeup? Spot treat with Vaseline over an acne spot treatment, and it gets rid of that gross build up. 
- Heat blisters. I suffer from blisters whenever the weather changes, and they are not pretty. Not even medicated creams clear them up as quickly as this.
- Makeup remover. The only thing that gets every trace of my mascara off my blonde lashes without tons of rubbing. 
- Speaking of - that dry, irritated feeling you get after a weekend of heavy eyeliner and glitter wear, or after you (god forbid) accidentally sleep in your makeup? You guessed it. Rub a little on your eyelids for instant relief. 
- Cuticle cream. Pre and post manicure. 

There's probably a million more uses but these ones are my go-to's - leave a comment below if you have any more miracle uses for me to try out! 

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Budget Vs. Branded - Beauty Sponges

Todays face off is between the original Beauty Blender, and one of it's low end dupes - the Quo Blending Sponge.

The Beauty Blender is $26 at Sephora (the two pack for $33 is obviously the way to go if you're serious on buying them) and the Quo version retails for $5 at Shoppers Drug Mart. 

I've owned, and been a devoted fan of the Beauty Blender for about 7 months. I use mine pretty much everyday and am obsessed with the smooth, even coverage it provides with any of my liquid foundations or concealers. My mom could not believe that I spent upwards of $30 on a single sponge (if only she knew the true cost of my makeup collection...) and got me the Quo version as a stocking stuffer for Christmas. I have to admit, I was doubtful - and it took a few weeks for me to even take it out of the packaging. I've been testing it out for 2 weeks now, so here are my thoughts.

(*Note - I use both sponges exactly the same way - wetting them while squeezing about 10 times first to fill any porous areas and offer smoother coverage, applying my foundation to my face with my finger, and then blending out using the sponge in a dabbing/rolling motion. See this post from the Beauty Department if you've never used a sponge like these - DO NOT use them dry! It doesn't do half as good as a job*)

So - the Beauty Blender is amazing. Hands down. The texture of the sponge gives a smooth, perfect coverage that I've never found with any brush or sponge. That being said ... the Quo sponge is pretty damn good. The texture is a little less porous than the BB, but this could just be because mine is well loved. It does a great job spreading my foundation and gives a smooth, even finish that is virtually undetectable from the Beauty Blender - I did half my face with one, and half the other, and have to say there was little to no difference.

As far as shape, I have to say I still prefer the Beauty Blender. The tapered point is perfect for under eyes and around the nose, and the Quo version is just a little too thick to offer the same. The rounded, larger end of the Beauty Blender is easy to roll on the face and spread product - the Quo sponge still does a great job of this, but I personally like the flat bottom much less and find myself using the rounded edges much more. However - the difference isn't huge, and is more up to personal preference. 

Overall ... I hate to say it, but I have to vote to save the $20 and go with the Quo sponge. I absolutely love my Beauty Blender, but after testing these side-by-side, I can't say I'll repurchase it - I'd rather splurge on products that are incomparable to drugstore dupes (did you SEE the new NARSissist eyeshadow palette?) and save up where I can.


Sunday, January 12, 2014

Warm and Fuzzies

How to wear fur

I recently purchased a fur vest from Forever 21 similar to the one pictured here (I can't find it online but it was available in stores as late as last week!) and while white and fuzzy seems easy enough to match, it was a little daunting to wear for the first time. Sometimes statement pieces are a little scary!

For a casual option, I love pairing a simple fur vest with a dark wash denim, a tall boot, and a comfy sweater. This look is so simple and cozy for class or running around town, and with a cute beanie or knit headband is totally perfect for the odd weather we've been having here on the east coast.

To dress it up a little, I really let the vest be the focus - going with an all black colour scheme to let the white stand out even more. A simple pair of black leggings or jeans is great here, paired with a long sleeve top or sweater. To make it pop, I would pile on the gold jewelry with a statement necklace and a fist full of rings, and finish the look with a simple pair of black boots - ankle or knee length works perfectly here. Add a red lip and a messy up-do and you've got a perfect look for dinner!

Thursday, January 02, 2014

I Guess It's That Time Again ...

I've been reflecting a lot the past few days, as one tends to do with the barrage of Facebook posts about various friends/acquaintances and their New Years Resolutions, and I've come up with a few things I'm A) happy about that I did in 2013 B) not so happy about from 2013 C) want to work on in 2014 D) want to just not do, ever. I went back to last years post on resolutions and surprisingly, I did really well on most of them throughout the year - but that's what happens when you set reasonable, attainable goals instead of lofty aspirations that are nice, but discouraging and easily forgettable. Not to say to keep your standards low - just to keep your goals bite-sized and ever-changing - I like to think in steps, in lists, not in one major goal with no breakdown. Really, all of the things I said last year are still just as applicable this year because they're things I want in my lifestyle, not a small burst of inspired activity. However, this year I do have a few more tangible goals to work towards:

Run a 5K, then a 10K (something I do anyway, but have never done an actual race)
Leave the country. To anywhere this fall for a few months before returning to school.
Graduate university in May 
Volunteer more 

And for the more all-encompassing goals ... 
Eat healthier
Train harder 
Work harder at school 
Read and write more 
Spend as much time as possible with my friends before schools over 

I'm happy with where I am now, and where I'm headed. And that's a pretty amazing thing to be able to say. So cheers to 2014 - welcome to the journey :)

Just a quick post to say "hi world!" and make myself accountable for these "resolutions". So hi, and see you soon!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Top Notch - YouTube Edition

While I'm waiting for my new camera to come in so I can start posting more genuine content on products I have and what I'm up to, I thought I'd end the year with a few favourites lists. Today's is YouTube - so here are my top 5 beauty guru's of 2013! 

I love Nicole's videos because she's always honest, always funny, and is one of those girls who seems to be so real, so no bullshit, that you wanna be bff's in real life. Not to mention she's got some of the most gorgeous hair ever, and her smokey eye game is A+. She uses a good mix of drugstore and high end products, has a few great selection of hair and makeup tutorials along with tags and reviews, and is just a joy to watch all the time.


Undoubtedly one of the queens of the guru world, how can I not include Tanya Burr in this list? Her expertise as a professional makeup artist translates to her amazingly perfect tutorials every time. She also is the sweetest, most adorable human, and her videos always include my holy grail group of British Youtubers (her fiancé Jim, Zoella, Louise from Sprinkle of Glitter, Alfie, Joe Thatcher, and more). She's my go-to for ideas on wearable daytime looks, but also has some standout adventurous looks. Her product reviews are amazing and her vlogs are worth subscribing for on their own.

I love Karissa because 1 - she's Canadian, 2 - she lives in Australia, 3 - she's a totally open and honest and no-f***s-given kinda girl, 4 - her hair and makeup is always on point, 5 - she's friends with some of the coolest girls I've ever seen online. So maybe I have a giant girl crush and maybe I'm a little obsessed, but she is seriously one of the chillest and legit people I've followed online in any format. Her TMI Tuesday series is fantastic and she's not afraid to go for wild looks in both makeup and style - and she looks amazing every time.

Another professional makeup artist, this girl has some of the most p-e-r-f-e-c-t eye looks I've ever seen. Seriously magazine worthy. Watching her blossom from a shy, awkward girl from the Netherlands to the confident, hilarious YouTuber she is now is awesome, and her videos are now some of the most well put together and lovely ones to watch. While the level of perfection in her looks makes it intimidating to even attempt to recreate her looks - I love her style and am always happy to see her name pop up on my subscription box. 

The other 4 are basically tied in my books but by far my #1 pick, and someone I've mentioned before, is Shaaanxo. In terms of content, she blows everyone else on YouTube out of the water - multiple videos a week, amazingly varied looks, high end and drugstore products, hair and makeup along with hauls, reviews, "get ready with me" videos, vlogs - she does literally everything and does it incredibly well. She posts content for subscribers all over the world - even though she's in Australia and in the middle of summer right now, she's on top of her game with both winter and summer looks. This girl has amazing work ethic and enviable makeup skills. Plus she has adorable dogs who make cameos a lot, which doesn't hurt :) If I need inspiration for absolutely any kind of event - her channels the first place I look before reaching for my makeup. 

- - - - - 

What do you think about my top 5? Anyone I completely missed, or anyone new I introduced you to? Let me know in the comments below! 

Monday, December 16, 2013


If you notice the date of the last post before this ... it's been a hot minute since I last posted. However - for the ... 4th? 5th? time now - I'm back and hoping to start updating with regular (ish) content! 

First step was rebooting the visual of the blog - new layout and color scheme to start. Im still working on updating old posts and ironing out some kinks so anything before this may have a little distortion on image sizes and things like that, but I'm working on it and hopefully any new content will go up smoothly! Check back in the coming weeks for new posts and leave a comment if theres anything you'd like to see. 

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Summer Skin Care Routine

Somewhat as a follow up to this post on the L'Oreal Go 360 Clean Cleanser, I've decided to do an update on the condition of my skin along with a quick rundown of all the products I've been using lately. I've been using most of these products for quite awhile aside from the cleanser, which I have been testing for 2 weeks now. 

So - beginning in the morning! If I shower (which I do every 2-3 days depending on the state of my hair) I wash my face in the shower with the L'Oreal Cleanser. (Check out the previous blog post to see how I use it and what I love and am not so crazy about!) If I don't shower, mornings go one of two ways  - I'm diligent, and use the cleanser anyway (over the sink) - or I'm lazy, and skip it altogether (gasp!). Lazy mornings I skip right to step 2.

Following the cleanser or as a makeshift step one (oops) I use a toner - lately I have been sticking with my Clinique Clarifying Lotion for Dry/Combination skin (#2 in their 3-step range). This is really the only product I loved from the Clinique 3-step system - the cleanser was just okay, and the moisturizer worked great for me in the summer but the second my skin got a little dryer it did nothing for me. I also found that that the "Clarifying Lotion" is not enough of an exfoliant for my skin type as it was intended to be, and worked much better as a toner following a deeper exfoliant. In any case, I will probably finish my bottle as is and not repurchase - my Aveeno toner from the drugstore works just as well for me and I like the smell much better. I just apply my toner with a cotton ball or cotton pad in circular motions all over the face - nothing fancy. 

Step 3 - moisturize. This is crucial for me as I have extremely dry skin year round and live in a pretty temperate climate with a lot of wind, and also burn easily all summer. My absolute holy grail can't-live-without-it moisturizer is the Pond's Dry Skin Cream. I have tried high end and drugstore moisturizers for years and this little baby is without a doubt my favourite - and it's only about $7! Plus a tub lasts me FOR-EVER. Literally almost an entire year. If you have dry skin, I highly recommend this. It smells a little like old lady but is not noticeable after application - and even then I just think it's because my grandma used it. I apply a dab on each cheek and one on my forehead and chin then rub it in with my fingers, making sure to go down my neck as well.

If I have any stubborn spots or feel a new blemish forming, I dab a tiny bit of the Clean and Clear Invisible Blemish Treatment on them (not exactly as pictured, but the same bottle). My only complaint about this product is that it dries almost as a thin film, so I always rub it off before applying foundation or concealer, or else end up with flakes and cakiness. Definitely amazing to apply before bed though! 

That's it for my morning routine :) I usually let the moisturizer and treatment sit for a few minutes before applying any makeup, but that's my only recommendation - it's all pretty straightforward! 

At nighttime I use makeup remover wipes or liquid makeup remover - my favourite is the Camomile Gentle Eye-Makeup Remover from The Body Shop. - non-oily, super moisturizing, smells great, and very gentle for sensitive skin while still removing makeup easily. Then I follow the whole routine through exactly the same as in the morning, but make sure to always use the cleanser first and not skip to toner. 

2-3 times a week I use the Aveeno Skin Brightening Daily Scrub in the shower just after using the L'Oreal Cleaner, for a little extra exfoliant when needed. I love this because the beads are teeny tiny, unlike most exfoliants which actually scrub away and damage the skin with tiny abrasions instead of just removing excess dirt and dead skin. This one is super gentle and amazing for sensitive skin, but still does the job! 

My only other mini-tip is to put Vaseline on any problem areas - I apply it to my lips before bed to keep them nice and moisturized and non-flakey, and sometimes also dab a little onto any patches of dry skin, dried out blemishes, or on my eyelids if they are feeling dry or bothered from makeup. Seriously an overnight miracle for a million things, I swear by Vaseline for everything since I am allergic to coconut oil. Another great alternative is olive oil, which I do use on occasion for a lot of the same reasons.

And that's all! Overall, after using the cleanser for 2 weeks I have noticed a huge improvement in my skin - almost all of my blemishes are gone, my skin is bright and more even, and feels healthy and soft. I did go through a few days where some small blemishes rose to the surface, especially on my forehead where I never break out - but they disappeared quickly and left my skin feeling better there than ever. My usual area of redness are slightly better than before, especially around my nose, and I have no new pimples, just a few slow-to-fade ones that were gigantic before. I've been trying to just use a bit of concealer as well and cut back on foundation, to let my skin breathe, but I honestly haven't felt the need to use more high coverage in the past week or so! 

I'd definitely have to say the Go 360 Clean is working for me - I'll be holding off on purchasing an electronic system for awhile and see how the rest of this bottle treats me! When it's finished I may try the scrublet with my usual favourite cleaner by Aveeno, to see if the difference is in the product or the application - but for now I'm very happy with the results and loving my skin :) 

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

On Moving Forward

Sometimes I write down all the messy things that go on in my head. Sometimes they stay hidden in notebooks or on my phone, and sometimes I put them here. This ones from a long time ago.

- - - - - 

Why do I have such trouble differentiating now and then? When now you are gone, and then you were beside me on the front step, touching shoulders, hiding smiles. We escaped outside from that smokey basement with the beer cans everywhere but all I saw that night was the tops of my knees as I smiled at the ground and your matching pose beside me when I dared turned my head to peek. You said I didn't speak as much as I used to but I was scared to ruin the perfect happiness in my head with saying something I'd regret later. I kept smiling at the ground and picking up rocks so my hands didn't do something foolish. Now all I regret is not saying enough, not saying the all important things. But now it feels both like yesterday and like a million lifetimes ago and I can't figure out which is real if either ever was. Sometimes I think it was all a figment of my imagination and sometimes I can still smell the coffee and cigarettes on your breath and grass on your shoes. One day you're just down the road where you always were and one you're across the county where you really are. And where are you really? Are you off making a life for yourself and living the dream and not looking back? Or are you out looking for remnants of me in the water and the blonde girl 10 feet ahead of you and the music you used to play me on the drive home? Is that girl in your bed or have you replaced me with someone tall and dark and beautiful? Does she have an accent and drink her coffee black and like the room cold at night like you do? Or does she reach for another blanket and make you hurt for a split second when you remember how I shivered in the heat of summer? Or have you changed so much that none of this ever crosses your mind? Do you still shake a little when you light your cigarettes and always drive with all the windows down? Do you still fold your clothes in a perfect pile before you climb into bed? Do you still sigh and run your fingers through your hair before you say something important like it hurts you to say the words out loud? Are you a piece of my mind I ran wild with? Are you really the great love of my life, gone before we were given a chance to realize our full potential? Are you just some guy I kissed outside the bar one summer while your friends were inside looking for you? I'd like to think the looks of pity they give me when I see them mean you were more. Did you know that? Did you know when I see your friends they still say hi and they still don't know whether to mention you or not? They don't, for the record, but I can tell it's on purpose - like they're afraid of what I'll do, like they feel sorry for me. Kinda the same way I feel sorry for me, and the same way I never ask them how you are. Funny how when you move on, some things don't move with you.